


you'll fit so nicely, you'll keep me intact

by honey_butter



Series: hogwarts squad [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor Harry Potter, First Kiss, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, but dont worry ginny is okay with it, harry and ginny are married so this is kind of cheating, harry has a bit of an attack at the beginning but it isnt described in much detail, hogwarts squad universe, they go for a walk in the snow, they just havent figured that out yet, this is set in february of albus's first year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23287540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honey_butter/pseuds/honey_butter
Summary: Neville tugged loosely on his fingers, “Is there anything I can do?”“You’re already doing it.” And Harry wrote it off to the frozen bite of the snow to explain why Neville’s cheeks and nose were tinged pink. He hoped Neville would do the same for him.Harry and Neville go for a walk in the snow.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley (mentioned), Neville Longbottom/Harry Potter
Series: hogwarts squad [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674754
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	you'll fit so nicely, you'll keep me intact

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! this is set in the hogwarts squad universe which is the harry potter roleplaying game that i homebrewed for my friends. in that universe harry and ginny are married until the summer after albus's first year when ginny and luna get together and harry and neville also start dating. they live in a big house with all four of them and the potter kids are raised with four times the amount of parents than harry ever had.
> 
> quick content warning that this does have brief descriptions of trauma and ptsd although it is not described in great detail. if that is harmful to you please don't read!!
> 
> title is from human by dodie which is a very good neville/harry song. please go listen to it.

Harry hadn’t seen snow like this in years, since he was a student at Hogwarts himself. The flakes came down heavy and white, coating the ground and surrounding rooftops in at least half a foot of snow and obscuring the view of the Forbidden Forest beyond that. Harry remembered staring out a window much like this one while all of the other boys slept, remembered watching the snow grow and grow and grow, looking like it might swallow him whole, by fifth year wishing that it would. Like those long ago nights he hadn’t been able to sleep, and, missing Ginny who usually could coax him back to bed, not willing to wake Ron or Hermione up from where they surely were resting back home, and  _ aching _ for a certain owl who’s wings matched the snow outside, he resorted back to his old favorite, insomnia-induced pastime.

It had been two hours, his (perfectly normal, muggle) clock told him, since he had started to stare out his window. He couldn’t remember half of that time but decided to believe it anyway. That was the nice thing about muggle technology, despite all of the wondrous things magic could tell you, a simple clock face powered by a few gears couldn’t lie to you. And when Harry couldn’t tell whether it was his son before him or his father, or Cedric, or Voldemort, he needed something that wouldn’t lie to him even when his own eyes would.

And right now he couldn’t tell whether they were telling him the whole truth. It could have just been the lack of sleep that made the snowflakes look like tears and swirl like a striking snake, it also could have been another hallucination. “A perfectly common symptom of PTSD,” his therapist had told him, but God he wished it wasn’t. He didn’t even know what he’d done tonight to trigger it, but his heart was beating quickly and he hadn’t been able to go to bed and  _ he could have sworn Dumbledore’s face was grinning at him from outside of his window— _

An attack, that’s what this was. He should call Ginny, she’d told him to if anything like this happened, even if it was in the middle of the night,  _ especially _ if it was in the middle of the night. He should call Ginny, he was going to call Ginny, he was… No, he’d go for a walk instead. The cold snow should calm him down, get his heart rate back to a normal rhythm, and if he got back and he still couldn’t sleep  _ then _ he’d wake Ginny up.

Harry threw his cloak on, winding the Gryffindor scarf that Mrs. Weasley had knit him last Christmas around his neck, and pushing on the Gryffindor hat that James had given him for his birthday over his (still unruly and tangled) mess of hair. Tugging on his boots, he pushed the door open absentmindedly, too forcefully for during the day but no one would be waiting in front of it right now.

“ _ Ow, bollocks _ ,” and Harry’s insides immediately warmed at that voice but  _ shit, Neville. _

“Neville, are you okay? I’m so sorry I didn’t know you were… Wait. Why are you here?” Harry pulled the hand that had been gripping Neville’s face away to get a better look at the nose that was definitely more crooked than it had been before it came into contact with his door.

“I… I couldn’t sleep. And I figured you wouldn’t mind but… I was just leaving.” Harry’s heart leaped in his chest when he realized that he hadn’t dropped Neville’s hand, but he  _ couldn’t think about that right now _ because he had to fix his goddamn nose. “Ow, bloody hell this hurts.”

“You sound like Ron.” Harry tossed over his shoulder, pulling Neville into his room slightly before dropping his hand to search through his pockets for his wand.

“My nose is broken!”

“I know, here.” He brought his left hand up to cup Neville’s chin lightly, raising his wand with the other, “This might hurt a bit.  _ Episkey. _ ”

Neville jerked slightly as his nose righted itself, his chin, however, not leaving Harry’s grasp. “Thanks,” Neville mumbled sheepishly, like this was somehow  _ his  _ fault.

“I broke your nose, Neville! Don’t thank me!” Harry pulled away after he realized he may have moved his staring from Neville’s nose to Neville’s lips.

“Why d’you look like you’re going out?” 

“Oh, I was going for a walk.” A pause. “Would you like to join me?”

“I, well, I didn’t bring anything for the snow.”

“I have extra stuff.” Harry gestured to his spare cloak and scarf.

“Do you… want me to go with you?”

“I asked didn’t I?”

“Ah, right.”

Harry felt his stomach rise into his chest as the thin candlelight from his desk illuminated Neville’s chocolate brown eyes. They were so big and round and soft, just as soft as the rest of Neville was.

“So?”

“Sure.”

“Great.”

They were silent while Neville got bundled up and even more carefully quiet as they left the castle, not wanting to wake any of the students or  _ God forbid _ Mcgonagall. Harry’s heart was still racing, although this time he could also thank Neville in addition to the trauma. His thoughts turned back to Ginny and oh no, Ginny. Harry loved Ginny, he did, so much that it caused his lungs to ache. But he was starting to realize that he didn’t love Ginny “ _ like that _ ” anymore, as Lily Luna would call it. He was starting to love Neville like that. He thinks. He just wanted to talk to Ginny about it but if she didn’t feel the same… he couldn’t believe that this was turning out to be more relationship drama than sixth year Ron had.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Neville reached out and loosely entangled his hand with Harry’s and that was when Harry realized with a shockingly cold start that they were outside.

“Nothing.”  _ You and how my marriage is fucking itself. _

“That doesn’t look like nothing.”

Harry stayed silent for a moment, thinking. The snow cushioned his thoughts like a pillow, dampening the harshness of the silence he found himself in. “I had an attack earlier.”

“You know why?”

“No.”

“Those are always the worst ones.”

“Yeah.”

Neville tugged loosely on his fingers, “Is there anything I can do?”

“You’re already doing it.” And Harry wrote it off to the frozen bite of the snow to explain why Neville’s cheeks and nose were tinged pink. He hoped Neville would do the same for him. 

They walked for a while after that, the crunching snow beneath their feet the only sound. The fingers on Harry’s right hand were warm and tingling from the continued contact with Neville’s and that warmth was starting to travel up his arm and curl like a cat around his heart.

“You said you couldn’t sleep?”

“I had a dream where… it doesn’t matter.”

“No, what is it?”

“Where  _ he _ killed you instead of Cedric. It was so long ago, though, it’s stupid.” Neville looked away from Harry, and up the path ahead.

“It’s not stupid.” Neville still wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Hey. Hey.” Harry pulled them to a stop, turning his body so that Neville couldn’t look away. “It’s not stupid, okay?”

“Okay.” Neville looked like he was going to cry. 

And Harry didn’t want that to happen. He leaned forward and kissed Neville lightly, nothing more than a brief brush of the lips, enough for him to know that  _ yes _ Neville’s mouth really was as soft as it looks and nothing else. Harry wanted to know what Neville tasted like, what the inside of his mouth felt like on his tongue, he wanted—- He couldn’t. He shouldn’t have done even this. 

“It’s not stupid,” Harry said when he pulled away because he couldn’t think of anything else.

Neville looked like he was going to melt, scratch that, he looked like he was already melting. “Okay,” he murmured, his voice hugging the “o” and swinging the “kay.”

“I’m getting cold, let’s head back.” Harry said, tugging Neville by their still joined hands back the way they had come.

Harry tried to push the thoughts of  _ oh no _ and  _ Ginny _ and  _ I want to do that again (and again and again and again) _ from his mind but to no avail. The snow still fell and Hogwarts still watched them, contemplative in its stillness. Harry swallowed past the lump in his throat, surprised to find that beyond it his heart had stopped hammering. By the time they were back inside he felt calm, at ease, despite the aching in his gut to get closer to the man beside him.

When they got to the door to Harry’s rooms he pushed it open almost sadly, he didn’t want Neville to have to leave. He also didn’t want to forget what his lips felt like, and Harry knew that sleep clouded all memories. Because Harry felt like he could sleep now, for the first time he’d been able to beat the trauma and insomnia back and reach a tired calmness.

Neville took the (now soaking) cloak and scarf and hat and gloves off, draping them over a chair next to the fireplace. He watched, nervously, as Harry unlaced his boots, undid his cloak, and threw his hat onto the floor. He took the scarf off last, Neville reaching out and unlooping it before Harry could with a soft kind of tenderness that made Harry feel like he might cry. 

Neville hung it over the chair as well before turning back to Harry, “I should go.”

Harry’s stomach ached. “You could… you could stay?”

“You’re married.”

“I know.” The  _ she wouldn’t mind _ burns hot in his mouth but he doesn’t say it. 

“I… we can’t.”

“ _ I know. _ ”

Neville looks panicked, cornered. Harry hates himself for putting him in that position. 

“Please?” Harry offers up, holding out his hands to the man before him.

Neville bites his lip, looks into the fire, back into Harry’s eyes. He takes his hands. “Okay.”

It’s the best night of sleep that Harry’s had since he arrived at Hogwarts. Sleeping beside  _ anyone _ helped him. The feeling of closeness, of security, that came with having another person there to protect you, it let Harry  _ actually _ sleep. Ginny helped him with that. As did Ron and Hermione. On one memorable occasion, Luna had wrapped herself like a koala around both Ginny and Harry. Now… now Neville was here and he felt like a giant teddy bear. Harry burrowed his head deep into Neville’s chest, and Harry breathed in Neville’s smell (dirt and chamomile tea and honey), and Harry  _ slept _ .

When they awoke the next morning Harry walked Neville to his room, waited outside for him to get changed. And it really was no one’s business if, in the clear and bright gleam of the glistening snow through the window, Harry pressed a soft kiss to Neville’s temple. And it really was no one’s business if, in the soft morning light, Neville responded by brushing his lips against Harry’s.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! i will definitely write more about them sometime and will also do a few fics down the line with harry/neville and ginny/luna. 
> 
> my tumblr is [labelleofbelfastcity](https://labelleofbelfastcity.tumblr.com/) come yell at me if you want.
> 
> please don't be shy to leave a comment! i absolutely love getting them!! i did not edit this one little bit so please tell me if there are any glaring mistakes. seriously. i didn't even read over it. if you want any more fics in this universe please request them. i have _a lot_ of time now that we're all in quarantine. thank you again for reading!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [paint me in trust, i'll be your best friend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23292388) by [audioDramatist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/audioDramatist/pseuds/audioDramatist)




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